Much like I suspect you are feeling, I thought coaching was for those struggling to get something done, or just for people who needed coddling and grew up with "go slugger” constant reminders.  I discovered last year that having a coach is so much more than that. I had a leadership coach gifted to me through my day job. I thought my coaching would be about making me a better leader at work. I quickly learned it was about so much more.

At the time, I was a year into therapy to address having left an emotionally abusive relationship. I was a year into accepting I was one of the abused women statistics.  I was one of the lucky ones that got out of my situation. And yes I know a lot of people reading this will be shocked that I was ever in an emotionally abusive relationship. I thought I was also in therapy to really address the fact I had lost both of my parents and a brother. I had never processed that. So I was a year into healing and growing from a lot of different experiences. Going into coaching and expecting it to be about work was easy. I thought that was the part of my life I had control of, that I was doing a pretty good job at work. I quickly learned that coaching cannot be compartmentalized.  I couldn’t just look at who I was a work and not acknowledge the wholeness of me.

The first topic we had to cover in coaching was my constant crying… yep I cried almost all of the first session with my coach.  So much so that she even asked me about it. I told her about my therapy work, and that crying was actually joy and appreciation at being seen.  I had to send her an email after to thank her for being with me in that space and allowing the tears to happen.  It was an incredible collaboration between my coaching and therapy to really acknowledge the work being done in both spaces. My coach was the first female that I truly trusted to be there for me, to not have her own agenda, and to see me.  My therapist is male, so the space he held was different.

I quickly came to realize that my coach saw me, was holding space and time to focus on me, and she truly cared about my growth and success. We worked through a lot of my "should-s”, the list of things I thought I should do or thought was expected of me. My should-s are not me, they are not what I want or need most of the time. I have very powerfully come to recognize the voice of should.  To notice when should was speaking or whether it was my heart speaking.  Through my training as a coach, I have come to realize my should is often a story about what I think society, my friends, or my work wants me to do, not what I want to do.

Without sounding like I have split personality - I have now come to call my should voice “Asshole”, a voice I appreciate that had a role, but I am now safe and can bravely stand my own ground. Knowing where the thought, desire, or wish has come from has been an incredible gift from my coaching. I can more powerfully stand in my own authentic presence and know when Jenny is truly there. Jenny is my innocence.

I have been transformed by my coach and I want to share the joy of that journey and the results with others.